quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
