It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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