I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
