Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
