I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
