my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
