i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
