apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
