I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
