I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
