my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
