apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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