bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
