I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
