my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
