Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
