I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
