shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
