Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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