I bet he comes in French.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
