You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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