If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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