I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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