peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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