TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She's the barista slut.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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