My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize