It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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