well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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