singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
