Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
