Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
