Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
