A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Let's paint friendship bongs
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
