dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
