We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
