So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
