God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize