Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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