Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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