I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize