It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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