p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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