i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
