I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
