dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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