FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I would fuck him just for his dog
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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