also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How does one acquire holy water?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
