I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
