It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
