Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
