R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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