her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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