can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
