Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's never too late to be topless.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
