the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize