Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
