I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
