can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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