just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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