You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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