Heybabeimwearingurpanties
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
