The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize