and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
