You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
