I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
