So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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