Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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