It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
