as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
