you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he fucked my hip out of place.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
