Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
